While accepting her people’s choice awards for favorite daytime TV talk show host and favorite humanitarian, Ellen DeGeneres said something that really spoke to me. She is recognized globally as someone who is incredibly generous and someone who cares enormously about many different world issues. She gives and gives and has changed an incredible amount of lives. She is the role model of all role models. Yet when she was recognized for all of those things on national television, she said this: “It’s a little strange to actually get an award for being nice and generous and kind, which is what we’re all supposed to do with one another. That’s the point of being a human.”
People say that there are different kinds of altruism. The most true sense of altruism being complete selflessness. Another kind of altruism is performing altruistic acts in order to gain a reward, whether it is a physical reward or simply the joy of having done something kind for another person. To me, there is no difference. There is no act of kindness without the good feeling that follows. It is a concept that every religion is built on: do what is right and you will be rewarded. (Of course, not every religion agrees on what those “right” things are, but that is not the point.) Even in the most difficult situations, when doing something for another person may affect you negatively, putting the other person first always feels right. I believe in what Ellen said so strongly. I grew up a part of the Catholic Church but kindness is truly my religion. Everything I have learned from going to mass each Sunday and from teaching a kindergarten CCD class for five years goes back to the same idea: be altruistic, be kind. I am not a perfect person and I am not always nice. I don’t pretend to be. I do, however, try my hardest to treat those around me the way I know I should. I have the quote “Be kind. Always, if you have a choice, be kind,” hanging above my bedroom door. I placed it there so that I can see it every time I leave my room. I don’t believe in karma. I don’t believe that by the power of some force, good things will happen to you after doing something good yourself. I do believe, however, that when you are a kind, generous person and you respect everyone around you, you will, in return, experience more positivity. I believe that people are drawn to positivity and influenced by it. Being positive and helpful even in the worst circumstances can go a long way and I truly believe that if more people lived like this, a lot of problems would be solved. Think of it this way: how many times have you watched a video somewhere of a person or group of people doing something nice for someone else and smiled while watching it? If you’re like me, you’ve watched about ten thousand videos like this and you’ve smiled every single time (and also probably shed a tear or two). Even just seeing people treating other people with such kindness makes us feel good. Actually doing good things is even better. (Side note: if you haven’t watched any videos like this, Ellen’s website is a good place to start.) Obviously we can’t all donate thousands of dollars to charities in the way that Ellen can, but that doesn’t mean that we are incapable of doing anything. Even just volunteering a few hours of your day at a service project in your community or offering to help your grandparents or elderly neighbors with labor-intensive tasks can make a big difference to someone. It’s as easy as spending that extra dollar at the super market to donate to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital or offering your seat on a bus to someone who is standing. Its as simple as giving up your own two dollars to help the person in front of you pay for their goods when they've realized they only have $5.00 and what they're trying to buy costs $7.00. It’s as simple as being nice and generous and kind; that’s the point of being a human.
1 Comment
Tomorrow is New Years Eve, which means that everyone, including me, is trying to decide what their New Years Resolution will be. I waited until the day before the New Year to come up with something because, well, I forgot about it. If we’re being completely honest, I know that whatever I decide isn’t going to happen anyway. It never does.
Over the years I have come up with resolutions that I truly believed would benefit me. In the last few days of 2008 I decided that I would stop using the word “like” as a filler word. At exactly 12:01 on January 1st 2009, I said something along the lines of, “this is like the best New Years ever!!!” (probably). At some point in high school I decided that in the New Year I would stop drinking soda. I stayed true to my word for about a month or so. Unfortunately for my teeth and general well being, I just love root beer way too much. The past couple of years I have not made a New Years resolution for two reasons. The first is that I knew I would not follow through. Few people have the will power to stick to their plan and I am certainly not one of them. The second reason is because most of the time, my resolutions are stupid and they are lies. They are always last minute decisions and they are all created the same way. I’ll be discussing New Years with a peer and somewhere along the line they will ask me what my New Years Resolution is. Until this point, I have not thought about it one bit so I just say the first thing that comes to mind. For example: this year I am going to go to the gym at least three times a week. Ha! We all know that isn’t true. The person I said it to knows it isn’t true. The thing is, though, that once I’ve come up with something, I keep saying it. I lie to everybody and tell him/her/them that I am going to do this thing that I am definitely not going to do. I hate gyms! Why did I say that? Don’t get me wrong; I’m very much in favor of trying to be a better and healthier person. Although it may not be the best route for me, I’ve realized that people are still going to set a new goal for themselves at the end of each year and there is nothing I can do about it. With that said, I thought that I would offer my very wise opinion on how to do a resolution correctly. Rip out a piece of paper and take some notes. The first step is not picking a resolution at the last minute. Think it through. Make sure that it is something realistic and achievable. In other words, don’t make your resolution to travel to all fifty states if you are a sophomore in college and barely have enough money to feed yourself. The second step is making sure that you don’t forget about it by the second week of January. If your resolution is something that you really want to do, remind yourself. We all have smartphones now. Set reminders in advance that will pop up on your phone however frequently you’d like. The more you think about it, the more likely you will be able to make it a habit. The best example I can offer to illustrate this is that when I was in middle school, I randomly decided that I didn’t like the way I wrote the letter ‘e’. Every time I wrote, I would remember that I didn’t like it and I would erase the previously written ‘e’ and write it differently. I did this, consciously, for about three weeks until it became a habit. Now I write beautiful e’s. Lastly, don’t get discouraged. Many people give up on their resolutions because it is simply too difficult. I know this. I have somehow managed to make it through most of my life with a very mediocre work ethic. It works, but I am only getting by. I will admit that I am easily defeated. However, the few times that I have really pushed myself to get something done, the reward was well worth the effort. Don’t take my word for it. Go be an exceptional person and stay true to your New Years Resolution. Lets be honest, there are still tons of people who won’t do this. So for those of you who are like me and would rather not put pressure on yourself to complete something by the end of the year, here is my alternate proposal: instead of making a New Years resolution, make daily resolutions. When you wake up in the morning, decide that you are going to be better at one thing. Just choose one thing and work on it. The next day, choose something else. You don’t have to do this every day. You wont always think about it and that’s okay. But I believe that if you can make positive changes even just a little bit at a time, one year from now you might be a completely different and better person. Either way, it's worth a shot. I hope you all have a safe and very happy New Year! This post is dedicated to my favorite activity in the world: reading. I may have lost a lot of you already because who reads anymore, right? Well I do and you should too. The truth is, I have always loved reading. I grew up surrounded by a family of readers. My brother had a giant bookshelf in his room and had read every single book on it by the time he finished middle school. My sister and I shared a smaller bookcase, but I can assure you that we didn’t skip over a single book on it. My mom still sits in bed most nights and reads before she falls asleep. When I read, I often find it difficult to stop once I have started. I can’t tell you how many times I have read an entire book in one sitting. I easily fall in love with the story in my hands.
Now understand this, I know movies also tell stories and I know many of them are awesome. I have been asked the same question a countless number of times. People always ask, “Why would you waste all that time reading the book when you can just watch the movie and actually see what is happening?” My answer to that question is this: reading allows me to create my own (and much better) movie in my head. As I read, there are images constantly running through my mind. I get to know each character personally; their thoughts, their movements, the things that tick them off and the things that make them smile uncontrollably. The best part, however, is that when I read it feels like I’m right there in the story. Its as if I’m a third party strolling along silently next to the characters and experiencing everything with them. When they feel emotions, I feel them too. I feel frustrated for the couple whose marriage is failing and I feel confused for their daughter who doesn’t know how to handle it. I feel overjoyed for the girl who has finally fallen in love. The point is, as a reader, I have experienced the lives of hundreds and maybe even thousands of people and there is nothing else in this world, not even a movie, which allows me to experience anything like this. There are plenty more reasons as to why you should read often: it expands vocabulary, it provides mental stimulation, and it reduces stress. Reading improves your memory and allows you to develop better writing skills. Above all, it is simply great entertainment. With all of that said, I thought I would provide some more inspiration and include a list of some of my favorite books (in no particular order). I promise you, they are all worth the read. 1. Don’t Look Back written by Jennifer L. Armentrout This book tells the story of a girl who suffers complete memory loss after surviving what the police believe to be a murder case. "Complete memory loss" as in she doesn’t even know who she is. When her best friend is found dead a few days later, she becomes the number one suspect. If this doesn’t sound intriguing to you then I don’t know what to tell you. This girl can’t even remember her own name. It is so well written and kept me so captivated that it was all I could think about until I finished it. Even after I finished I talked about it to everyone around me and definitely annoyed the crap out of them. Either way, it is an awesome book. 2. East of Eden written by John Steinbeck Listen, Steinbeck is a boss. He is a classic American author and if you haven’t heard of East of Eden, you’ve definitely heard of Grapes of Wrath (that family that gets kicked off of their farm in the middle of nowhere) or Of Mice and Men (that big guy who accidentally kills everyone). I read this book as a summer reading assignment in high school and I loved it. Although the first 100 pages make you want to pull your hair out, the rest of the book tells an awesome story and leaves you with an even better message. This message comes from one word: Timshel. This Hebrew word means “Thou mayest.” Essentially, the book is teaching the very important lesson of choice. Every person has the ability to choose what their actions will be, and essentially what kind of person they will be. So if you end up as an awful person, well, that’s on you bro. 3. The Longest Ride written by Nicholas Sparks The Longest Ride is a classic Nicholas Sparks novel. It is a love story that will grab onto the heart of any young girl (or anyone really, Sparks doesn’t discriminate) and then slice it into a billion pieces before gently putting it back together again. The reason that this book made my list, however, is because of the way it ends. I don’t think I have ever read an ending of a book that made me cry so many tears of joy. The ending gets two thumbs up, five starts, ten out of ten rating. If you’re a sucker for romance like I am, read it and weep. 4. The Kissing Hand written by Audrey Penn This one is a bit of an odd-one-out on the list because well, it’s a kid’s book. Nevertheless, this book is very near and dear to me. Everyone on the planet can relate to Chester the raccoon who is feeling a little nervous about leaving his mom and going to school for the first time. Even now, as a college student, thinking of this book gives me some comfort. If you haven’t heard of it or read it, it’s not too late. It will only take up maybe ten minutes of your life and I can almost guarantee that you will say “aw” out loud at least once while reading. 5. Literally any Mitch Albom book I’m kind of cheating here, but I love Mitch Albom. I love him a lot. I can’t pick just one of his works. His books are relatively short, but overflowing with meaning. Tuesdays With Morrie, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, and For One More Day are three of my favorite books of all time and they were all written by, you guessed it, Mitch Albom. This guy will make you think about your life and appreciate it a thousand times more than you already do. He will teach you lessons that will resonate within you for the rest of your life. If there is one thing that I could ask you to do after reading this blog post, it’s to go and find a Mitch Albom book and read it. You will not regret it. These are some things that after almost 20 years, I am pretty confident about:
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I’ve made bad decisions. I’ve hurt people that didn’t deserve to be hurt and I’ve even hurt myself. I’ve been so hard on myself to the point where I truly hated myself. I began to suffer from social anxiety a few years ago. I had extremely low self-esteem and spent a lot of time beating myself up for mistakes I’d made. A little less than a year ago I went through a really difficult breakup and this made my anxiety even worse. After almost two years of depending on a boy to tell me he loved me and that I was valued, I didn’t know how to function without that reassurance. I still worry sometimes that I’m bothering other people or they don’t want to be around me. When I see pictures of my friends hanging out together, I automatically assume that I wasn’t invited because they don’t enjoy being around me anymore. For a long time I thought that feeling this way was normal. Sure, everyone feels annoying sometimes. The difference, I found out, is that most people don’t cry every time they’re in their room alone. Most people don’t feel worthless when nobody is talking to them. My good friends know that I worry about these things. They’ve seen me cry about things that, in reality, aren’t true.
This anxiety was really bad for a long time. I tried to cope in a lot of different ways. I tried to distract myself and watch Netflix and shut all my other thoughts out. For a while, each time I began to get anxiety I would reach out to my ex-boyfriend (who is still a very good friend of mine) and ask him for help. I relied on his humor and his kindness. Recently, however, I’ve realized that the person who can help me the most is me. I’ve been working really hard to help myself. I’ve made it a habit to tell myself that I am beautiful and that I am loved. I’ve become comfortable again with the way I look without any makeup on. I’ve allowed myself to do silly things in public—things that I was always too scared to do before in fear of being judged. I’ve learned to laugh at myself and accept that I am not perfect. The most important thing I’ve done, though, was forgiving myself. It took time. I didn’t wake up one morning and say, “Kristen, you’ve done a lot of dumb things, but it’s okay.” I went to church whenever I could. I began to treat the people around me better. I began to judge others less. I forgave the people in my life that had hurt me and I allowed myself to believe that God had forgiven me for hurting others. Eventually, it became easier. I was able to look in the mirror and truly believe that I was looking at a good person. Instead of focusing on everything that I had done and was doing wrong, I focused on love. Loving myself, loving strangers. After some time I accepted that the people around me loved me, too. I forgave myself for all of my mistakes, and in return I have gained confidence. I have gained self-respect. I still get anxiety sometimes. The difference is that now, I can handle it. I’ve been feeling it less and less and eventually, I hope that I won’t feel it at all. For now, I’m going to be the best friend, the best daughter, and the best sister that I can be. I’m going to keep on loving the people around me and most importantly, I’m going to love myself. “The positive energy and love we give to others, heals our own wounds.” ― Angie Karan Krezos My family is everything to me. I have a brother and a sister who have always been and will always be my most reliable support system. I have an incredible mother who has bent over backwards a countless number of times for my siblings and me. My mom’s boyfriend has offered us more than we could have ever asked for: his time, his love, even his home. As a family, we have a lot of great things. One thing we don’t have a whole lot of, however, is money.
As a kid, I’m not sure I ever noticed it. I spent all of my time either in school or outside with my neighbors. I didn’t do many activities on my own that required money. It was only when I got to middle school that I became aware of the fact that I just couldn't afford to go to the mall or the movies whenever my friends were going. (Looking back, I'm glad my mom didn't let me spend all of her money on clothes from Aeropostale.) Right now, I am trying to save as much as I can to pay my way through college. So of course, money (or a lack thereof) has caused me a decent amount of stress and some days have been more difficult than others. Yet I’ve realized that this money situation really hasn’t affected me negatively. In fact, it’s shaped me in a lot of positive ways. Here are two of the most important things that I’ve come to realize: First, my mother is the most incredible person on the planet. For my entire life (and before) she has done everything in her power to make sure my siblings and I could live comfortably. As a single mom with three kids, I can't imagine that this was an easy feat. She has worked more than one job at a time to provide for us and despite her busy schedule, still comes home to cook full, healthy meals for us every night. Life has thrown a shit storm of lemons at her and still, without missing a beat; she has made the sweetest lemonade in the world. It’s not only the things that she actively does for us that make her so amazing. A lot of it is the little things that she has done without noticing. Her warm hugs, her silly jokes, her willingness to always let me snuggle up to her when I need it; these are the things that I love the most. We have lived in several different places throughout my life, and whether we wanted to move or not, she has managed to make each place feel like home. I could make a never-ending list about all of the great things about this woman. The main message that I’m trying to get across is that I appreciate everything she does for us so much more because I know that it’s not easy for her. I’m the luckiest daughter in the world to have her as my mother. The second important thing I now know is that experiences are more important than material things. Everyone likes to have nice things, including me. Something about holding a brand new iPhone just feels right. I get that. Nevertheless, as I am now what I like to call “the definition of a broke college kid,” I understand even more what it’s like to have very little money to spend on those kinds of things. I’ve paid for dinner at Wawa complete in quarters each time I’ve gone for about a month now. I go to Chipotle with my roommates and instead of buying food (because I cant afford it), I sit and I talk with them. While going out and getting food is always fun, my favorite memories from college, and even most of my life before now, have been the ones that didn’t cost me a dime. For example, just a few days ago my roommates and I decided we wanted to be active. We grabbed a soccer ball, a couple of lacrosse sticks, some field hockey gear, and drove down to a local field. We didn’t last very long outside due to the painfully cold weather, but the time we did spend there was a lot of fun. It felt amazing to be outside bonding with some of my best friends. Right now, as I write this, I’m sitting with them watching Hallmark movies and laughing my ass off. Days like this one are the ones I am going to remember years down the road when I’m reminiscing on my college days. I know this because the days that I remember from my childhood don’t include money either. My favorite memories are the ones of my neighbors and me playing outside and being silly in our backyards. They’re the memories of my family sitting at the dinner table laughing hysterically about something I said (probably). These moments are the truly special ones, and they will continue to be, with or without money. Today was the day that I decided to create a blog. I'm not sure that anyone is ever going to read it, or that anyone will like it if they do. Thats okay. My reason for putting this blog together is to share bits and pieces of my life in attempt to make someone else's day a little better, to add a little more laughter, and to make people think a little more. I want this to be a place where I can be comfortable and true to myself. I want it to be filled with funny stories, awkward moments, and lessons I've learned (and am still learning) that I think are important.
Keep in mind that I am not a writer. I'm going to sound awkward at times and there will definitely be moments that I'll attempt to be funny and fail. I'm probably going to share a lot of quotes as I come across them. I love quotes. I'm going to tell you about my favorite books and stories about my childhood that have impacted me. I want to share my favorite recipe's and pictures that caught my eye. I hope that through this, I can learn things about myself as I share them with you and whoever else decides to take the time to read what i have to say. I want you to get to know me, and if you'd let me, I'd like to get to know you as well. Before I go, I also want to thank my friends who supported me and told me they would read my blog if I made one. Even if you guys were lying and you never made it to this site, thank you anyway. I probably wouldn't have put in the effort if you said no. So to you, my friends, and everyone else who decides to go on this journey with me, let's do this. |
Kristen Baschoff20 year old college student trying to make every day a good one. "I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.” |